Follow Up on my previous entry

Dear Dairy,

After reading through Jane's blog, going through things he told me when they were together, I felt sad. The things that he has done when he was with her without her knowing. The sad thing is I only jus got to see her blog recently in Jan '09.

I met a monster, fell in love with him, accepting him as he is, loving him regardless of what he told me he has done in his past. He gradually became the Mr Big in my life. I stood by him, encouraged him, I didnt give us up. The diff between SATC story plot and mine, Mr Big of mine does not even have the courage to make things right when he realized he has wronged. He may blog about it to declare to the whole whole he is sorry to gain sympathy so that he can move on to his new chapter of relationship. Mr Big in show was much better, he had failed in his marriage, he is scared, things got out of hand, he ran away but when he realized what he had done, he tried to make things better. In twilight, Edward left in book 2 in oder to protect Bella but returned when he realized he was not doing any good to both of them. You were not my Mr Big neither were you my Edward... Never ever mentioned again to any other girls that you are like Mr Big, "You've got it" cos you really don''t.

Your bestfriend don't even know of me, how could that even hapeen when you claimed to have spoke to her about me. Told me you were grounded by your dad and even when you get a job, you have to head back home after work. Then how come my friends saw you outside with another woman, how much you could meet up your ex flings or even go out so often now? You jus wanted to get rid of me...

Do you know that I don't even know why we ended our relationship. You never did explain why you choose to throw the towel first. Because you wanted me to be happier? As you could not provide commitment or you fear of letting me down? Then why the hell are you in another relationship again? I realized how little I actually mean to you.

You lied, cheated, stole my heart and I wish I could hate you for that but I cant. Foolish me or Sillygirl like you always said. Now you are using it on her right?

I can fully understand now why when we first got together you warn me of getting msgs from ur ex gfs or flings and asked about my reactions if I received them. You know, seriously I was contemplating to do it to her or not. Tell her what a jerk you could be. After much debating within myself, the angel won and so I won't. Hopefully you will really hold on to your promises to her. All the best to your new relationship.

Jane said you will understand if you put yourself in her shoes, you mentioned in your blog singing Jay's song you understood. But I really doubt it, you can never ever really understand the shit I'm going through.

Closing the chapter and moving on in my life. Its tough but I have to push myself to...

Work, go out, tired myself out and then sleep. Thats my life now. Pretty normal, I guess.


Ries